Child Development - observing Twins [Boy and Girl]

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Observing The Development of Twins [Girl nad Boy]- Mogamat Faadiel Arnold 2020

A definite reality is that girls and boys are genetically determined male and female in the way they sit, stand, lie down, walk, make sounds, eat, do things and interact with the environment. The new wave that sexual oreientaion is fluid is a complete untruth - both genetically, socially and scientifically.

A fact of life is that it is a tremendous strain on the self looking after twins from birth on the mother and father - in our case on grandfather and grandmother, because my daughter was ill from day one and only started recovering when the twins were 1.5 yrs old, and the father was working from morning till late evening.

Allowing my wife to see to my daughter and our home needs I took it upon myself to look after them for most of the day [except for changing nappies - which I actually refuse to do - claiming I do not know how and will make a mess of it - the common cop-out of men.... but what i discovered is that my smelling sense - as an asthmatic - was heightened - and thus can easily, before anyone else smell if they need a nappy change ]. This gave me the opportunity as a retired teacher the opportunity to interact with them and observe there every behavioural difference and growth stages. They are presently 2 years 7 months [16-4-2020] and the experiences with them has been absolutely phenomenal.

In the first three weeks of their life we had to bottle feed them every two hours. Having had 4 girls only and who were breast fed, was to me a tremendous challenge. At one instance, we have a loft bedroom, the one child did not want to stop crying, and I was so tired during the middle of the night, that I said to my wife -- "wow i feel like throwing this child down here" --  to which my wife said, "hang in there ... don't give up... it gets easier later". Thus after two weeks I felt like I was have post-natal depression !... Well as always ..I took her advice... and just .. took the challenge .. But as time went by i often became frustrated because watching them all the time, caused me to lose time in writing articles and teaching people who still needed my help.

I then realised that it impacted on the manner in which I interact with them and then questioned myself - how can I change the way i feel about having this responsibility?, I considered my situation and the resources I have at my disposal which change the situation to a more positive way. Within one "sitting" with myself I came to realisation that if I changed the way I perceive them, I shall change the way I interact with them.. I decided to see them as my two students - that changed my whole attitude, because I love teaching and watching children's response to how I and what I teach them. It amazed n=me how much more energy I had to look after them and interact with them.

One of my first things I realised is to teach these children specific worth that will allow them to interact with the environment and also be able to guide them how to relate to me and other adults. At 4 months I would take them into our patio garden and let them touch the leaves and when they pull on it, say to them "Just touch" and then show them how I touch and then add "don't break" . I was amazed that these 4 month old babies would actual respond to " only touch" . It was an eye opener to me. Knowing that a child is in a state of Fitrah /Absolute Divine Purity and more aware of its surroundings spiritually and physically, but cannot articulate themselves as yet - allowed me to appreciate the level of the child's wisdom to understand the guidance I gave it " to Touch and not to Break" . Honestly it worked for most of the time , but there were odd time they did break the leaf. But that allowed me to show some disappointment and give them a reminder and thus they developed an early appreciation for plants. Thus we learn that if we falter, we actually have a chance to improve ourselves on a higher level of awareness and appreciation - alghamdu lillah,

The next thing I noticed is that they would remove the soil from the plants, after 1 year old when they started walking.  I then introduced the words, "put back", showing them the act. They soon cought on to this instruction and guidance. This was fanstastic because i could control their natural instinct to grab, touch and put things in their mouth. We have learnt that they saliva of a baby has an enormous amount of antibodies to fight bacteria and germs. This allowed us to relax and guide them more often instead of shouting "Don't". I have learnt hat if one says no without reason it has no effect on reasoning ability. I started introducing the concept, Don't touch and put back its important. It belongs to Pa, Ma etc. They soon learn that was before that when the touch or pick up something that is not a toy they would bring it to us - and nudge us to put iy back. I soon realised that eventhough they as yet cannot speak, they were difinately understanding isntuctions and value. This is much against the common psychological theories.

Early in their development i would teach exclamation words to express emotions - like "Wow" when something happened which is wonderful or enjoyable. They soon learnt to understood the word and reacted positively with excitement. I also introduced the a "sigh" of surprise "hugh" as we play and things happened that are surprising. They caught on to using these words when they interact with the environment which allowed us to know exactly what they are experiencing. When they got into difficulty and cried, I taught them to call the word "help" and to relax. This soon caught on with both of them and it allowed us to know exactly when they need our help and that they are not just crying because they are not happy about something.

As they interacted with the soft toys, i realised that I could give these soft toys a personality, by changing my voice and pretend that it is the toy speaking [they were very aware it was me, but still enjoyed and lived the pretence - I knew that because if they handled a soft toy and i did not prentend that it speaks - they woukd bring it to me to pretend its voice] and allow them to interact with it with more feeling and purpose. I was amazed to see their reaction when I changed my voice to represent a fluffy toy. I soon would introduce their names into the converstaion - eg Assalmu alaykum Saadia in the toy voice and I taught them to wave when the to greets. This became a daily interaction.. All forms of converstaion happened between me and them as the toy  - expessing love for them and care needed and hurt and assistance from them. They simply loved it and eventhough they could not speak yet, they reacted positively by hugging the toy, kissing it, showing empathy and caring for it... and if I forget to speak like the toy, they would actually prompt me do do it. This allowed them to value animals and have no fear for it. This I discovered when they confronted a real cat they stroked at and showed love as they did with the fluffy toys. I also introduce the words "can I help you?" if they had difficulty to do things. I was careful to speak and let the toy interact differently to the boy and the girl to emphasise care and protection reactions in different situations.

Before the age of two i introdued them to writing skills and how to draw a circle and a down stroke. these figures will allow them to draw and write letters earlier that normal, because they would have developed the fime motor movements and handling of a pen/pencil. What did was to simplify drawing that they could imitate and then give expression to it. Now at two and half, they are beginnig to speak and and control their creativity and noticed that they prefer playing with the real things that the toys. They also appreciate making things themselves which the toy or thing is not intended for. This encouraged me to use the empty boxes to create cars, holders etc. As they are growing now, all the core words I taught them are being effectively used by them Alghamdu lillah.. They now as usual are starting to instruct us using our own words. Wonderful Alghamdu lillaah.

What i noticed about the boy from a very early age - remember i had no boys - so everything he did was new to me, but also easily appreciated as the distinct difference between girls and boys, without having been taight it - is that he had a tendency different to the girl, to seek wires, pipes, screws and wheels more readily as well as make a effort to crawl and climb into the most awkward places. I saw in there the need for a male body to train the body early to be flexible to go into awkward spots to fix and repair and build things. When I worked with construction tools he was totally fixated. The Girl on the other hand was more caring in feeding and making food and put the tpys to sleep. I also noticed that from a very early age the boy would want to protect the girl and the girl would make sure that he is covered when he sleeps . This was to me phenomenal. What was extremely interesting was one day the father left his water bottle on the floor. It had a loop at the top to open the cap. She was not two yet, and beginning to walk. She simply put the thin arm through the loop and walked with it like a bag - that was so interesting. The boy was watching her and wanted to use the bottle too. My wife while feeding them taught them to wait and share with each other, by feeding then from the same bowl. He waited for her to put it down and stop playing with it. He simply grabbed the bottle with his index finger and flung it over his shoulder, like a man going to work. That was to me the most fascinating difference of a male and female response to the environement they interact with.

I have also noticed that the girl can sit quite still and watch a TYV show for long, but the boy does not. He will watch the cartoon, but soon he will get up and go and play. This boy's absolute joy is tying and connecting things with wire and string and to see what the result is. Eventhough he got up and went to play on his own, he would protest if I switch th sound of or put it off if the girk has perhaps fallen asleep. This showed to me tha males must work and cannot sit still long and that females  need to rest more often to get them ready for more homebound, creative work and  pregnancy in adulthood and  that men are programmed to work but can learn subconsciously. It also explained to me why in conventional schools girls concentrate more in sitting still and observing and why boys are more easily distracted during passive learning in a classroom culture, where discilpline means sitting still. The distruptive behavour at schools of boys is then understandable, because it goes against the nature of a man to ne actuvely invloved in creative, contructional work. His body muscles have been made to be active and able to stand strain. This also explains why western schooling creates so much frustration in men that they can easily become soldiers and kill others for no reason other  than the homour of the rulers. In their real personal maleness their strengths are available to construct a world that is comfortable and safe for others. This observation makes us question "education".

At the moment I have noticed that the boy is acquiring speaking skills before the boy , but the girl ahs lonf been able to communicate with facial expressions to show, joy, anger, disappointment, care, need and warnth. They did all of that verbally and agressively, using his brute force.

At the moment I am drawing simple circular faces with expressions of happiness, sadness, surprise and anger to allow them to express emotions in drawings. The girl has successfully did a drawing using the circle and strokes i taught her. She has  shown more eptness in computer skills handling the ipad and search icons that him. Maybe because she had the ipad more often than him. He on the other hand has successfully been able to handle the mouse of the computer and click on the programmes and sound and choice manipulations, because his hands are bigger. She was able to use the ipad better because of the touch screen and daintiness of her fingers. Alghamdu lilaah .. it is a tremedous journey to watch them grow and boy and girl of the same age and developmental opportunities.

I do belieave that there are nurturing aspects that can affect the development of children, if you as an adult insist on certain behaviours and not allow and guide them through their natural processes. He one day did not give me something that he had taken and I made as if i cried to get it back. If the girl took things from him he normally just grabebed back from her. He also had a tendency to grab things from her which she had first. We had to deprogramme that aggresive behaviour and insist that she had it first. This boy imitates everything the girl does. She does project a more leardership quality and a none needy personality. He on the other hand shows the need to please her and be aroud her, I saw in this the natural need of men to be acknowledged and loved and cared for by a woman. And I also understood from their interaction that men can be overwhelming for attention and acknowledgement.
This one time i creid to get what i want, was enough for him to start crying when he she takes something from him. I am now having to teach him a more male response. I am now teaching him to deepen his voice and say :" No Don't do that !" .. She on the other hand has immediately learnt thay if he cries for something - her female motherly instinct, just give it to him..so this is where we are now....21 - 4-2020.. Pray for our correct guidance we can give these twins and their ability to learn the wonders and skills of life in shaa Allah...

What we noticed after they started walking. When the boy started did something wrong/ rather explored something which was dangerous and we tell him not to and we made a point of saying "dangerous"  or "No, you must share" or "Don't grab/ push her" he would run away from the situation and drop his head and stand stil in a corner or against the wall, what we thought it was sulking/ stubborness. When he was able to speak and he did something wrong/dangerous and we chastise him, he walked away dropped his head and stood still for a long pause and said "Sorry about that". Thay was an eye opener to us - we realised what we interpreted as stubborness and sulking when he did that when he could not speak - was actually his way of saying "I am sorry". That was mind-blowing because we realised that we often interpreat a child's reaction or action within the context of our own adult experience and preconceived negative ideas and not from a positive childlike/ fitrah /absolute divine purity of the child.

What we notived about the girl, before she could speak, that when she did something that made us angry, she would fetch a toy and give it to us as a "token of peace offering". When we later came to understand these jestures fo these toddlers we became more careful not to act in an adult preprogrammed way, but tp analyse the situation more carefully and from amore positive way. Aghamdu lillah.

What we did notice, as they started using words, . is that they do imitate the words we used with them appropriately. Because my wife and I and their parents constantly say thank you to them when they do something for us or something right, "thank you" was of the first words they both used. What was very remarkable was that when they pick up something that they identify as important and belonging to us as adults, they would bring it to us and give it to us and stretch out their hand and say "thank you" - as if to say " I found this of you and would like to do you a favour and give it to you" - This would happen even if they took something from the table that belongs to us. This kind of rapport between us has become so valuable that we do not have to hide things important to us with which we are working. They respect it as important. They are now being to use the word - "important" and "dangerous". Both of them has also used the word "naughty" to repreimand us when they think we have done wrong. This developmental observations have been very revealing to us and dispels many so-called standard psychological development presuppositions about the development of children. We are fortunate that their mother, myself and my wife are psychology majors and hence are more aware of the careful development of children. What our daughter, their mother taught us, was that when they insist on doing or having something and cryoing for it , we must not insist on reprimanding them about it and giving long lectures why they should not do it, we must simply draw their attention to soemthing else which is more positive and interesting and they will immediate stop crying and forget what the wanted desperately just the moment before. This is part of the Fitrah of a child - they easily forgive and move on, while we as adults often get stuck of a past experience and languish with it for sometimes years - failing to move on. We find it hard to "forgive and forget". It is actually an ibstruction in the Qur'an that we should not get angry, we should forgive and forget and move on with establisjing good things and relationships. Even the enemies of Islam loved Nabie Myghammad Pbuh - by the manner he treated them - and he Pbuh, was the living Qur'an as his wife Aesha RAH reported about his character. I remember when a child took a date from the batch intended for zakah - he simplygently  took the date from the child and placed it back on the heap, without a scholding. What we then can learn that patience and careful observation allows us to learn depp aspects of child development. We also learn that what we say, while they are growing up from a baby, gets recorded and proessed by them and it has an influence on their intercation with people and the environment when they start walking and talking Alghamdu lillaah.so we must be careful what we do and say in front of a baby and child. What I also recently discovered is that can read ones mind and intentions, before one actually does something negative and have the capacity to tell us not to even think/ or do it. They simply wag their finger and say "no". Something they have learned from the many children nursery rhymes I have downloaded for them - especially - "Mommy called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping of the bed" - while the doctor wags his finger.

While the boy learnt aspects of constructing with blocks, wires, pipes and inserting objects into things and tying things together, the girl showed more tender, sharing skills like making food and offering us something to eat from any toy on a plate. The distinct different between boys and girl development stages are acutely observable and the new attempt to teach that masculinity and feminiinity are culturally structured was disproved from day one of the development of these boy and girl twins - alghamdu lilaah. That masculinity and femininity cane be nurtured away from the natural instinct of a child is evident in that the Prophet Mughammad Pbuh is reported to have adviced that men must nit wear female clothes and vice versa. He also advised us to be careful who we befriend. So yes, nurture can influence the habits of a male and female, but male and female genders are absolutely, naturally and biologically determined as our research is showing clearly. Satan, evil jinn and man have the ability to want to influence people away from the truth. The Qur'an warns us against people who mix the truth with falsehood as well as cover up the truth. It is thus important for us to make a conserted effort to make the truth available as often as possible and to know the best convincing way in our manner of communication - and to know for sure that we can only encourage towards the truth, but canno force it down a persons's throat - because Guidance is only in The Hands of Allah SWT.

Recently revealed reality now that they are talking is that they would like to get involved with us in doing real things. This confirms that children naturally can be taught how to function in the adult world earlier than what the western educational fraternity has been trying to tell us. This also confirms that indigenous people's children are from a very early age taught how to handle real tools to hunt and build the needed boats, arms, shelters and make food clothing needs. When i fixed a chair the girl asked "Can I help you" and the boy saw me fixing things and also askedcan I help you?". They are only 2.5 years old. Now this should guide us to introduce them into how to help us contsruct and do things so that they are skilled earlier in life with real things. This should have been clear to many of us as we notice children would rather play with real things than with toys.

Now that they are talking more readily , Alghamdu lillaah, they are using the exoressive words "programmed them" to use when they encounter - things of wonder to exclaim "Wow!".In this way everything that happens which creates adds to the value of life - gets appreciated by them. And when something happens which was disappointing, threatening of dangerous I would use the words " Oh No!". These simple words of exclamation has become words that are shaping their awareness and helping us to identify what progress they are making and what threatens their safety.. Alghamdu lillah.

What was quite interesting although the boy was the fitrst one to utter words and sentences and the girl was relatively quiet, she by watching TV - which are programs of nursery rhymes I downloaded for the them to watch repetitively - she first developed and express the art of singing and repeating whole sentences from nursery rhymes as well as being able to immitate the movements. She is also at the age of 2.5yrs able to count in sequence up to 10 and repeat the whole alphabet - they both are not pronoucing the words properly, because children's vocal cords are still very flexible at this age - it seems for readiness to develop any universal language - 80% of the words are formed correctly and understandable.

What we do notice as a distinct difference between a boy and a girl -is her readiness to care for others by covering him when he sleeps - from about 9 months old - feeding him first and sharing her food first with us, him or her parents before she eats herself - the distinct motherly nature. He ,on the other hand shows, absolute concern for her when she cries and needs help. He is there to protect her and she is there to care for him. I have also in their tussle for the same toy tried to guide him to be gentle with her and to give it to her - which at this moment happens sometimes with him, because he artuclutes  "Mine". She on the other hand if she wins the object of quarrel - soon gives it to him if she sees him cry - she does not want him to feel hurt. This is very interesting. We are truly Blessed to see a boy and girl twin-set growing up and observing the distinct differences - especially in this time when there is a drive of homosexuals to aim at forcing societies by laws to accept their perverse perceptions of life. which comes with disrespect for Allah SWT.

The way the two learnt from us distinctly show a variance between boys and girls. The boy quickly imitated the verbal instructional vocabulary "Don't do that.." etc. The girls communicated with her eyes. He looks expressed so many emotions, while the boys verbal expressions shows emotions - thickening the voice, raising his voice. The girl used hand gestures  - wagging of the vinger, pushing his/our hands away.

I downloaded a variance of nursery. those with still pictures, moving basic cartoons, 3D sophisticated computer graphics and motion pictures ans well as live, human action nursery rhymes/ The one nursery rhyme that had the most effect on them, and which is so effective on other children , that some programmes used just that nursery rhyme in various formats and compositions is, % little monkeys jumping on the bed. The problem with this nursery rhyme is that the children tend to knock their heads and jump on it - so when they watch nursery you have to watch them carefully how it relates to them - do not leave them unattended when they are about 1 year and over.

A very usual practice in our home is to say "thank you" and "please", when we speak to them - especally if they listen to an instruction or they did something for us. This culture in the home between young and older created a wonderful ethics in them. The moment they could formulate words " Thank you" was of the first words they appropriately used. They are now using "please" . It seems that the sounds of "p" and "se" .. the "z" sounds are difficult to formulate with still developing vocal cords. The "f" sound is also somewhar difficult.

We also have a culture that when we leave and come into the house . even if we just go to the cornershop, we greet. This is to announce that it is us leaving and coming back. They find this difficult at this age -  but I taught them to wave when they hear "Assalamu alaykum" and "hello". They book has very quickly picked up - "Mind the cars", when i talk them for walks before they could speak as yet. At this moment 2yrs and 7mths they can repeat most of the words we tell them to say. We do realise that we have to be careful what we say from day one of their worldly existence. They are computers that process words, actions and situations eventhough they cannot as yet speaking.

The Prophet PBUH statement that children are in a state of Fitrah - Natural, Divine Essence and Awareness has been roven to me recently. We have to know that children are aware and can interpret what goes on around them from Birth eventhough they cannot speak yet. The boy twin, who is now 2years and 8months, was sitting on the windowsill where he can see the mosque. Looking at the moosque he says to me " Pa go mosque [ though the full pronuncoation of mosque came out as musk]. I was amazed because when he was about 8-9 months old I took him to that mosque and as well as when he could just about walk. He remembered and articulated it at 2yrs and 8th ! What was even more amazing was, based on the Fitrah of Children as the Prophet saying relates - is the following instance observed by myself and their mother who was lying on the opposite side of the crib of the new 3rd baby when the baby was about 2-3 weeks old. I had taught the twins to wave when I tell them to say Assalaamu alaykum - before they could speak. They were satanding on the side of the crib where i was and the crib is about just as high as theit necks. The girl was standing about a metre away from the crib and the boy about 30 cm. O told both of them to greet the baby. The baby was sleeping on his side with his back to us. The baby as normal of this age has his hands clasped together in front of his chest. I said "Say assalaamu alaykum baby". The girl waved fron where she was. The boy moved closer to look into the crib and waved to the baby... The baby.....raised his arm, opened his hand and gave a backward wave ! We were shocked the baby answered the greeting at 2-3weeks old ! I Their mother also saw it and said if we should tel someone this they will not believe us !, This is Fitrah. So, I can only warn us all - do not take a boby or toddler's presence for granted - they are in Divine Presence - The Fitrah.