Friday, December 23, 2011

The Dying Language of the Bo-Kaap People

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Dying Language of The Bo-Kaap People

Speaking a mix of 5 and more, different languages they created a rich language of their own

The Bo-Kaap Muslims were exposed to various languages from Africa, Malaysia, Indonesia, India, Netherlands, Britain, Arabia, Portuguese, Zanzibar, and many others. The State restrictions on education for non-Europeans, deprived Muslims from gaining access to one sophisticated language skill. They were also prevented from Christian missionary schools - the only schools of the early 19th century. The cosmopolitan life of the Cape thus became their "centre of learning". They did not lie down and dissipate. They were vibrant and created their own schools, language, writing style and gave rise to Afrikaans. While doing this they established themselves as exquisite artisans, dressmakers and cooks, whom the statesmen and women of the time could not do without. Their Islamic faith of cleanliness and openness to invite others to share their food, made many become Muslim or love them so much that Muslims enjoyed preference from the state departments - so much so that when Apartheid was established in South Africa, the Ruling National Party made a further "apartheid" law that Bo-Kaap should exclusively be for Muslims, because they had to come to the Muslim Tailors and dressmakers to fit on the clothes as it was made. They then thought that to keep the place safe for them, it would be wise to declare it a Malay Quarter where no bottle stores and Christian wine drinkers can mix, which would endanger their safety - this was God's Way of ensuring that the Islamic Faith and Muslims are protected - by the actual enemy. This allowed Muslims to grow and establish themselves uniquely as an outstanding group of people who has unique schools, skills, language, cultural practices and architecture. It is hoped that this dictionary of words of the old Muslim Bo-Kaap language (Kaaps) will allow readers to enjoy the richness of the atmosphere that prevailed in Bo-Kaap, up until the 1970's. 

I sincerely thank all the people who have been so kind to share their knowledge of the words and phrases that they still remember that could be added to my list below. 



The following words and phrases were often used by the people of the Bo-kaap. Its sound-structure resembles that of Arabic, not English when using 'o' and 'a'. You have to read the sounds with an Arabic-Afrikaans(Kaaps) accent if you want to enjoy it. The Afrikaans "kappie" and "deelteken" is not on my computer. Please add it on when you are able to, to ensure a close pronunciation. There are some words that were used that might look crude, but they were used with sense of endearment or fun. I hope you will enjoy this compilation. Add more if you can, in the comments below. It must be borne in mind that Muslims and non-Muslims who were in contact with the Bo-Kaap used many of these words and phrases and some are still used by the offspring. The newer generations in Bo-Kaap now generally speak English. It has thus become important to document some of the lost treasures of such a vibrant, skillful community of Bo-Kaap.

1. Trak-teer - be happy and celebrate when you see me, now after you have not seen me for a long time.
2. Boen-ne-fol - very full
3. a-fe^-re - affairs
4. op-ga-skote - toddler
5. ki-nis - children
6. hoe gaa-rit? - how are you?
7. waa-gat-jy? - where are you going?
8. wat reg is, is reg - the truth is
9. sla-ma-ja-lang oo-ri-pat - have a safe journey
10. moe-tie lol-lie - do not tease me
11. faa-roek - dishcloth
12. sa-fet - towel
13. ka-pa-rangs - wooden cloggs used for prayer ablution
14. moe-tie gek wie-sie - don't be silly
15. moe-tie laf wies-sie - don't be like that
16. bie-tjie - a little
17. on-ne-broek - long white linen pants men wear under their work long pants. They will take the work pants off and the pray in these clean long linen pants.
18. tra-ma-kas-sie - thank you
19. ka-na-la - please
20. soem-baai-jing - pray/ solaah
21. sla-mat - congratulations
22. is jy o-right - are you well/O.K.
23. moe-tie war-rie nie - don't worry
24. gie gou daai - just pass that
25. waa was jy? - where were you?
26. moe-tie weg bly nie - don't stay away. Please do come.
27. jy maak nog aa-lie moei-te - Oh! It is so kind of you to make me something to eat
28. moe-nie om-sien nie - please don't mind
29. hoe-fil e-sit? - what is the price?
30. kyk nou ve jou - now look at you.
31. jy werk op my nerves - you are irritating me
32. saa-ba - have patience
33. het jy ga-sien? - did you see?
34. het jy ga-hoor? - did you hear?
35. Hy het ga-se, lat jaa.. - He said that..
36. Moe-tie my ve-e-ra-gie - don't irritate me.
37. hy's 'n po-tjie-rol - he is fat
38. soe-wal-laai - I swear by God
39. ga-sam-ba - affected be evil spirits
40. ga-lam-ba - engaged to be married
41. sit naa-re - come and eat
42. bie-smie-lah - come and eat (In The Name of Allah)
43. ko weer - come and visit me again
44. moe-tie a-fron-lik wies-sie - don't be stuck-up/ don't reject me
45. ba-ra-kat - plate/brown paper packet with biscuits, fruit and sweets given out freely at functions
46. saj-jie - to serve the food to the people in a hall/ room
47. mo-tie taa-le gie nie - don't back-chat
48. hou fe jou in - control jouself
49. hy le^ net eit - he was just explaining in detail
50. jy's on-noo-rag - you are creating unnecessary trouble
51. bring soe-ma dai - bring that please
52. jy breg al-weer - you are boasting again
53. et maa-kie saa-kie - it doesn't matter
54. moe-tie an gat-tie - don't persist
55. si-ti wy-lis an/af - switch the radio on/off
56. vat my vir-re drive - take me for drive around the city/beach
57. jy's net soes 'n tert - you like a sissy/ woman
58. jy's bang ne - you are afraid, hey!
59. ve wat wag jy? - what are you waiting for?
60. jy moet an-val-lag wies - you must welcome people/ you must be welcoming
61. bang-gu-ru - to attach/ concern yourself and attend a certain mosque
62. hy's agte makaa - he is well organised
63. bok droltjies - pan-peanuts
64. rille-ga-bak - a type of triangular koeksister
65. koe-sies-tis - Koeksisters
66. sa-boe-ra-tjies - a rectangular biscuit with three currents on
67. boe-be - thick, sweet hot milk drink
68. Ga-dat - a recitation format of thikr(remembrance of Allah (SWT) that originates in Ghad-daad
69. jir-kie - baby vest/jersie
70. doi-lie - a circular, crocheted piece under a vase
71. moe-tie lo-lie - don't tease me
72. moe-tie an gat-tie - don't go on
73. moe-tie ne^-gie - don't nag
74. ek is nou gat-vol - i am now fed-up
75. wats jou storie - give me a reason why you did wrong/ tell me what happened
76. ek-wil niks wie-tie - don't tell me, I want nothing to do with what is happening
77. moet ek now ve jul-le ker-sie hou - must I now watch while you two flirt with each other
78. Hy't bo-ge-rol gekry - he got nothing
79. moe-dee-ring - fancy, dress for weddings or special religious occasions
80. be-hang-sels - the draped curtains and bedding of the bridal chamber
81. hy het ga-se lat-ya - he said that...
82. bring al-lie goe-tes - bring all the goodies
83. am-bags-man-ne - craftsmen
84. hy gooi doe-we ore - hy makes as if he did not hear
87. moe-nie fe jou moe-ta-kab-boer hou nie - don't keep yourself high and miighty
89. hy/sy will net skin-ne - je/she just want to gossip.
90. boeke vol kennis, koppie vol vis-stan - books of knowledge, but little wisdom
91. bol-le-fies-sie - looking puff-cheeked and cross
92. fies - cross
93. frok-kie - vest
94. ve-lep - wilting
95. jy ly-kie te lek-ke - you don't look well
96. is jy o-right in jou kop - are you mad
97. soe-rat - the beginners Arabic reading book with the short chapters of the Qur'an
98. ka-lam - the wooden skewer with which children point when reading their Arabic lessons
99. werk maak - thikr/ remeberance of the Creator Allah (SWT) in Arabic chants
100. jy's fies-lik - you make me nauseous
101. po-ring - pudding
102. is jy be-dor-nit - are you crazy
103. jy sal no-gal-lie se^ nie - you actually can't tel
104. pa-sang - to announce the death of someone
105. mal-boet - the person who walked around shouting in the streets who passed away
106. hy's jiek-ke-rag - he is sexually pestering
107. jie-ke - to recite Arabic chants
108. bat-cha - to recite Qur'an
109. la-ba-rang - Eid
110. Ka-pa-rang - wooden clogs to take ablution with
111. ja-mang - toilet
112. jiees - yes, surely
113. reg-tag - really 8.
114. sies man! - exclamation of disgust
115. lin-ne-lam - lame and weak
116. le^-gaam - body
117. me-rang - food feast
118. ta-mat - passed the test of the Arabic Qur'anic recital rules
119. ghaa-fies - memorised the whole Arabic Qur'an
120. sa-rang - he is the foreman in the docks
121. Gaa-ba - I am inviting to
122. me^-rang - fiest
123. ba-lang - a kite balancing/travelling in the air
124. ga-dros - a thing very disorganized and ugly
125. ga-dei-na - curtains
125. chay-yah - face
126. voel af-ge-haal - feeling down and disappointed
127. ga-drys - derogatory term for a person disliked/a mix of people
128. op ruk-ke-rag - keep yourself high and mighty/ distancing from people
129. 'n man so^-ne thikr is baie on-fe-sik-ke - a man without the remembrance of God is very unsure
130. my bal - a term of endearment for a good boy
131. hy gee my hoen-ne vleis - he scares me
132. on-ne baa-tjie - waste-coat
132. soet-lap-pie - suiting material
134. poes-lang - forever asking or wanting something for nothing
135. hert-sog-gie - jam-coconut biscuit
136. maaf-nein, maas toe-wang. - excuse me lady and gentleman
137. As niks voo-fal-lie - if nothing crops up/ happen
138. ek gat na-re das - I am going to an Islamic lecture/lesson
139. moe-tie prit-tel-rag wies-sie - don't go on touching me
140 hou jou han-ne tys - keep your hands to yourself
142. jy hou ve jou wit - try to make as if you don't know me
143. moe-tie fe jou uit-dei-ye nie - don't boast
144. hys moe-ta-kab-boer - he is arrogant and boastful/ thinks he is better than others
145. hy't knop-jig - he has out of wedlock sex with more than one women
146. maa-roe - the second wife
147. oe-pe taa-fels - likes to treat people with food and niceties
148. Hy's laat - I am not interested in him as a husband
149. trek jou nies op - shows disgust/distaste
150. moe-tie taa-le gie nie - don't back chat
151. sy's ge-bou - she got a beautiful body
152. a-mal se man - very handsome husband
153. na-fa-ka haar - to support her
154. om-mie waa-reid to se^ - I must concede
155. hy iet ga-son - he eats a lot
156. ab-das niem - to take wudu/ablution for prayer
157. ba-tcha - recite Qur'an
158. bang -call to prayer
159. vet en dik soes 'n vil-lis-blik - fat and round like a dustbin
160. kry klaa - get done
161. ka-naal-dorp - district six
161. hy's so^-pang - he's humble
162. hy's fe-lee - he is in need
163. ke-nes in-nie jaart - children must get out of the company of adults
164. bang-goe-roe - to which mosque do you belong
165. kers-op-stiek aan - Lay-la-tul-Qadr night
166. jy moet nou man vat - get yourself a husband
167. vrou vat, is-sie perd koe-pie - taking a wife is not like buying a horse
168. ou-re-wets - to be too sexy while being too young
169. haal eit en wys - now show me
170. jy's las-tag - you are a nuisance
171. hy lyk om te Qoa-la - he likes to discuss religion
172. gie in - give up
173. moe-tie ve hom in-gie nie - don't give him the upper-hand
174. hy kan-nie sy man staan nie - he is not able to defend himself in a argument
175. sy's los - she is too free in her association with boys/men. She does not care what people say
176. Wat ga-tie die mense se^ - what are the people going to say
177. jy's eit-tie hand-uit - you are misbehaving
178. jy's om-bi-skof - you are rude
179. hy ding te veel van homself - haughty
180. jy ding a-mal moet fe jou hoor - you are under the impression that everyone must listen to you
181. Hie ko Mary an - a Muslim girl dressed in an exposing manner
182. jy wil net model - you just want to stand around and look good and do nothing
183. Hy hou fe hom soes Elvis - wanting to look good for the girls/women/thinks all women want him
184. trevel ma lekke - have a good trip
185. kry fe my die koe-ran - get me the newspaper
186. is now net pil-le en bri-le - getting old sickly and weak
187. wie ding jy is jy - who do you think you are
188. jy kan ma praat, ma hoor is min - you can talk but he does not listen
189. ko ma weer man - come again please
190. kyk gou wie klop daa - see who is at the door
191. ek ly-kie ey-yis-sie - I don't like egg
192 moe-tie kom dik bek wies-sie - don't blow up your cheeks
193. hy wil-lie leer nie - he does not want to study
194. Hy's deer-ga-trek lei - he is very lazy.
195. koue-koos - cold fever
196. jy't haar fe-nik - cheated her
197. is jy be-dor-nit? - are you crazy?
198. die me^se praat net non-sins - the people are talking nonsense
200. sy lyk no-gal o-lik - she surprisingly looks cute
201. waa kom jy raa-an - where do you get that information
202. hy lyk soes wie ko-ra-an - he looks like some stranger in the distance/ he looks bad
203. die klopse loep al weer - the coons are again parading
204. jy wie-tie wat gat an-nie - you really don't know what's going on
205. jy's die kat an-nie ste^t biet - you have your facts confused
206. is jy serious? is that the truth?
207. ek gat-tie die keer fe jou yaa-pie - this time I'am not going to help you.
208. Sien om te kom kla - you can do it yourself
209. is jy ready? - are you ready?
210. jy wil al-weer skin-ne - you just want to gossip
211. dai's da-rem gre^n - that is really grand
212. maak doe-aa fe my - pray for me.
212. Jy maak fe giet-boeg - you simply ignor what you had to do
213. hy ka-nie soo die stoe-le kom wa-ren sit-tie - he cannot court my daughter indefinitely...
214. Hy moet nou sy mense stiee - hy must now send his parents to ask my daughter in marriage
215. hy klop an - he is making a pass at the girl / women
216. kyk ma mooi - be careful
217. pas jouself op, my kin - do not have sex before marriage
218. moe-tie lat hy maak wat hy wil-lie - don't let him do with you what he likes
219. gie fe hom min-draad - don't spoil him
220. gat jy ri bis vang? - are you taking the bus?
221. moe-tie draad vang-i - don't take advantage
222. ja-mang - toilet
223. toor-ring - asian conical hat
224. woel-sel - turban
225 on-ne koe-fooi-ya - prayer scull cap
226. on-ne broe-kie - underpants
227. wat ma-keer jy? - what's wrong with you?
228. ma-keer jy iets by-ri winkel - do you want me to buy you something at the shop
229. my kin, maak jou oo-ge oep - be careful with the boyfriend you have. He is not good
230. kin-nes van vandag traa-kie - the youth of today don't care
231. hy's moes-wil-lag - he does it on purpose
232. waat jy ga-leer? - from which Sheik/ Imam/ Institution did you get your knowledge?
233. hy praat deer sy nek - he doesn't make sense. He is talking nonsense
234. groet mooi - say As-sa-laa-mu 'a-lay-kum, not Hi, Hello, hey etc.
235. hy-sie op sy bek ge-val-lie - hy can defend himself well in an argument
236. hy sit die pot mis - he did not succeed in doing harm to someone
237. is so in-nie oe-pen-bar - he /she does not care. He does it for all to see
238. niks skaam-te nie - shameless
239. moe-tie nou jou storie chang-zie - don't state the opposite now
240. wies ga-dil-lag - be patient
241. kryp in jou mai - get lost
242. aan-val-lag wies - to be courteous, polite, welcoming
243. ha^y - drawing attention
244. wat-sit nou weer? - what is the matter now. What are you complaining about now?
245. jille kan ga-rus skool to gat - you can rather go to school
246. Jil-le is net las - you are a nuisance
247. oo -yet-te ! - Oh my Gosh!
248. Ta-maaf-my - excuse me (don't make accusations)
249. Moffie - effeminate man
250. pe-sel-la - getting extra for free
251. mo-tjie - lady
252. Pang - old man
253. Sies Tie-ma - lady Fatiema
254. boeta - oldest son
255. tie-tie - oldest sister
256. A-goei-yah - second eldest son
257. am-mie - uncle
258. hy gie das - he lectures on Religion
259. vraggie hout - bundle of wood
260. koo-le stouf - coal stove
261. ste^ne-tjie - wooden stand to dry daily small washing items
262. lay-ya - nappy
262. perd fris en ga-son - up and healthy
263. toe le^ hy hol in-nie lig - sick, after he was too daring in the cold
264. me-res-syne - medicine
265. kar - car
265. pert-en-kar - horse-drawn cart
266. sy cha-ya ly-kie te lek-ke nie - he was disappointed/ upset/ angry
267. da-me-loes - dominoes
268. pe-re-tjie - baret
269. hy's toe - he is stupid
270. ding jy ek is ga-war-rie? - do you think I care/ am worried?
271. breit afhaal - sending the family women of the male to fetch the bride and take her to her bridal chamber
272. waa ko jy raa an - where did you get that information
273. mal Jan on-ne-ri hoen-nes - one man amongst many females
274. sies-tog -shame - feeling sorry for someone
275. Tou-en-chie - small rope
276. pop-pen-chie - small doll
277. Haal eit en wys - show me if you brag so much
278. Lat waai - to let loose/go
279. jep- take stealishly
280. lostrop - unattached group
281. loskop - forgetful/ uncaring/ not focussed
282. gaai-ya-rag - show off/ foolish
283. me-sang - tombstone
284. fe-maa-ke-rag - not in wanted
285. die dyf was al sat - the bird was already dead
286. jou voeltjie gat weg-vlieg - your fly is open
287. koe-foe-ya - red/black Turkish fez
288. kwas - the black tussle hanging next to the red/black fez indicating the man has performed his pilgrimage
289. moes-wil-lag - on purpose
290. Hy ga-brey-kie sy a-kal-lie - he does not use his intelligent
291. jaa-nie - sure
291. hoor nou fe jou - you think you are quite witty
292. al die gek-ke-rag-geit - all the nonsense/ partying
293. is jy gek - are you mad (j-sound as for "jump")
294. hulle is gek - they are crazy
295. hy ga-brei-kie al-tyd dai nie - he doesn't always use it
296. Moet-tie bol-lie - don't fight
297. moet-tie in my slaai krap-pie - do not try and interfere in my business
298. ek sal jou dor-ne - I shall hit you
299. moet-tie fe my fyl-kyk-ke gie nie - don't give me dirty looks
300. et lyk kwaai/ lek-ke - it looks good
301. is-si jou bi-sag-geit-tie - it is not your business
302. moe-tie twhe'-twhe' nie - don't gossip/ don't go on talking
303. jy's daa-rem lai-lai - you are very cross/ angry/ argumentative
304. mooi ta-ver-chi - lovely dress
305. hoeg-moe-rag - haughty
306. skinne - gossip
207. bie-smie-la ma lek-ke - no thank you I am not eating now, feel free to continue without me
208. is-sit waa - is that true
209. oor-lan-nas - people from other countries/ originate from other nations
210. hy't jou in-nie oeg - he bears a gradge against you
211. jy kan-nie weg kom-mie - you will not be able to get out of this situation
212. hou jou bek ! - shut up !
213. is ek jou gai? - am I your fool? (j-sound as 'y' in 'you')
214. sa-laam gal-la - how are you young lady?
215. Hy klop an - he is making a pass at her.
216. ek- oe-nang fe julle - I am inviting you
217. a-mal in-nie hys - everyone of the family is invited
218. kie-faait - funeral
219. is ga-ma-nieng-al - has died
220. moe-tie fe jou hou wat jy nie is-sie - don't pretend to be what you are not
221. jy moet hare op jou tan-ne het fe hom - you must have lots of patience with him. He is difficult
222. moet-tie fe jou bis-hou-wi - don't be a busy-body
223. outjie - boyfriend
224. goose - girlfriend
225. fray - smooch
226. miang tes-sie - incense burner
227. to-ko-lo-sie - Jinn
228. doe-kum - one who works with evil spirits
229. moe-tie lat hy jou kop in a sak sit-tie - don't let him fool you
230. man-nie - washing the self / corps
231. em-me - bucket
232. skep-pe-chie - scoop
233. kraf-fie - jug
234. kom - large, bottom flattened container
235. was-bak - large bucket for bathing
236. sinkie - basin
237. ga-dat maak - making thikr/ chanting religious invocations in a group
238. dai's nou gre^n, ne' - that is now grand, hey!
239. hy't glat-tie uit-ga-stiek-kie - he did not arrive/come at all
240. sit die wy-less/TV sag-te-re - turn down the volume of the radio/TV
241. moet ek nou jou gat lek - must I now beg you
242. moe-tie fe jou mis-lik maa-kie - don't make yourself nauseous
243. is ek jou speel-maat - are messing around with me while I am an adult and you are a child?
244. is jy fe-sie-ke? - are you sure?
245. wat gat nou weer an? - are you arguing again?
246. jy maak my moeg - you are draining my energies.
247. jy kan ga-rus regkom - I wish you would change for the better.
248. se^ kie-rie-slam by-rie hys - send my greetings to your family
249. my byk is nou vol - I have now eaten enough
250. hy's 'n drong-lap - he is an alcholic
251. uit-ga-friet - greedy for more of something
252. fie-tes -shoelaces
253. hy kry-rie bie-ve-ra-sie - he has the shivers
254. hy whit fies fe al-lis - he gets angry for anything
255. goe-jaa-jies - pilgrims to Mecca
256. fa-tag-geid - evidence, referenced, supported by facts
257. in-nie ga-daap van mense - in the company of people
258. sy kin/ gib-bis/ motjie - his girlfriend
259. slaa-wat - donation towards doing a good religious function
260. in-nie weer met haa - he is having an extramarital relationship with another woman
261. moe-tie fe my fe-nik-kie - don't cheat on me
262. ne^-ma-chies - later
263. fa-ef-fe - earlier on
264. a-sal - root/ origin/ heritage/ offspring of
265. bee-ve-raa-sie - shivers
266. moe-tie dik-kou nie - don't go on
267. Jy's mos as-pris - you are now doing that on purpose
268. ek- ko groet - I am coming to invite you al
269. ek fraa maaf - I apologize
270. is jy be-dor-nit ?- are you crazy?
271. wie ding jy is jy ? who do you think you are?
272. met wie tre^-vel jy? who is your agent that is taking you to Mecca?
273. jy moet die she^g-te ik-ke-raam - you must honour the sheikhs
274. skaam is ga-raam, maa jy doe-nit ma daam - you know it is not permissible but you persist in doing it
275. fraa maaf - apologize
276. die jat - the origin, good fortune of it
277. troue - wedding
278. wie gar-rie taa-fel dek? - who is going to set/set-out/ decorate the table?
279. net-tou - later
280. is jy be-fok/ be-mal - are you crazy
281. jy maak nog aa-lie moei-te - you made so much effort to make me comfortable. I appreciate it
282. is jy nog-gie klaa nie - are you not yet done
283. ek won-ne hoe-fel is-sit? - I wonder about the cost
284. moe-tie om-sien nie - continue don't worry about me
285. hy kan sy gat-tie roer-rie - he can't move from there
286. hy is soo oo-lams - he is so are clumsy
287. os gat gou teown toe - we just going to town/shopping
288. jy het hon-ne ore - you just don't listen
289. jy ma-keer seve skeel kamele om fe jou an te kyk - you need serious investigation for you craziness
290. die kin-nes hoor nie meer vir my nie - the children are not listening to me/ they are disobient
291. Gaf-tie - enormous (Ga-ra-gaf-ties - bigger than enormous -added by new millenium Bo-Kaap children)
292. Hoe-li-ha - a wonderment = wow!
293. Ga-friet - gluttony
294. El-ke Pak-ke-tel - for every small thing
295. Lip-pe hang al-weer - are you again cross/upset
296. ie-we-wys - stubburn know it all
297. Die Joe-ries stoot op - becoming sexually stimulated / becoming angry
298. Die kril bly nog daa - he is now a leader, but his teenage evil tendency is still within him
299. Die hele ding is die - the whole story is this...
300. hoe ver is jy met jou dinge - how far are you with your tasks/ projects/business
301. jy's al weer lai-lai - you are again upset/ angry/ ready to scold anyone.
302. Is jy be-dor-net ?- "are you crazy?" said in a lighthearted, loving manner
303. Hy's uit-ga-laa-te - He is sexually over zealous
304. kan-nie sy ris kry nie - Cannot settle down
305. Sies ! - expression of disgust
306. ou-wa-la! - ouch!
307. is jy nou mal !- are you crazy! - a concerned warning not to do something
308. wat ma-keer jy om..? - what is wrong with you to...?
309. Moe-tie fe jou laf hou nie - don't be silly (when someone is teasing)
310. Ding jy nou ek is jou skip-pie? - do you think I must do everything to you?
310. Hou fe jou in! - control your anger/ sexual advances
311. is jy ran on-noo-se-lik? - are you stupid?
312. 'n hele kon-ste-stroo-rie - a whole integrated problem
313. Ding-es - being 'it' -anything of which its name has been forgotten on the spur of the moment
314. Jou maa se... your mother's ...effectively meaning "get lost" or "forget it"
315. Waa-la - a sense of achievement and tease to express that he/ahe is a winner
316. hoor nou fe you ! - comment made of interest by someone and commended for it
317. pe-trek - an underhand movement
318. vol-strorn - full of nonsense/ full of airs and graces
317. olie-koek - 'n ja-baas - agreeing withe everything to gain favour
318. Hy lyk soes Wie ko ra an - came across as someone of note/ unrecognisable/ untidy
319. an-nie gat biet - controlling someone
320 soek skoor/ lol - irritate, tease
321. twaa-lap - a person keeping himself what he isn't, really - sarcastic comment out of envey
322. on-dien - rude/ uncouth/ not polite/ not religiously acceptabl;e behaviour - mostly used for children
323. Ra-me-tjie eit nek - being boisterous - show off - presenting yourself as capable
324. dik-o-lap-tyd - when money had lots of value
325. Hy/sy vang 'n pyn - he/she is jealous
326. A-ke-deer - agree with you/me
327. ent-of stert - do not know a thing about something
328. gon-nies - taking all your belongings
329. bog-ge-rol - nothingJou birk/ outjie - boyfriend
330. kie-lie-rag - ticklish
331. ke-rim - complain incessantly
332. Ta-gang - to argue
333. bokdroltjie uit die pieprt bussie - a child being chastised for giving comment in an adults' conversation
334. Kas-stay - to tease, work on someone's nerves
335. wat-che-me-ko-let - what do you call it - if someone forgets the name of something
336 Ho - making sure you understand what was said
337. vler-mys-te - prostitutes
338. Moes-wil-lag - doing something on purpose to disturb someone
339. fe-kleim - getting cold/ not properly dressed for the cold
340. Is jy be-dor-net ?- are you crazy?
341. Om 'n ben-ning op te skop - to make a noise with music.
342. As-pris - on purpose
343. jy'a al-weer dwas - you are again off the point/ your comment does not fit/ don't but in.
344. hi-te-koo-le - anxious
345. be-re-tjie - beret
346. la-tjoe / rop - bad luck
347. goe-de-rie - eiderdown (g-sound of "good")
348. spek-en-boen-tjie - allowing someone to play with, with no special need for him/her
349. ke-rim - to moan continually
350. Yo !- Wow!
351. Hy's dik-vel - He does not want to listen - he is stubborn
352. hou op an-sit - stop pretending
353. moe-tie bis wies-sie - don't be a busy-body
354. Jy's al-weer gaaie-ye-rag - you again keeping yourself stuck-up
356. Aag, hy's 'n gaai-foks - Don't take notice. He's just silly
357. Sy's af van-nie berg - she is menstruating and has stopped fasting and hence cannot complete the month of Ramadaan un-interrupted
358. Sondag is langer as Maandag - her petty-coat is hanging out from under her dress
359. Sy't hom op loep ga-sit - she terminated the relationship with her boyfriend
360. Ly-ket my jy vat my fe 'n gaai - It looks as if you are taking me for a fool
361. Ek is-sie jou gaai nie, Ho! -  Hey! I am not your fool !
362. Hy wil oei sy o-lap in-nie beer-sie sit - The child / young one also wants to add to the adult's conversation
363. hy was le-ke Af-ga-haal - I made him feel small/ humiliated
364. Hy was in-nie oo-e ge-sit - he was humiliated
365. Jub-ba / soem-bai-ing jas - overcoat in which to do the formal prayer (Solaah)
366. Soek hot en haar - look every where
367. Hy le^ al-weer an - he is again trying to woo the lady/ He is teasing again.
368. Bok-drol-tjies - pan peanuts
369. fol stron - full of nonsense
370. Gal-lie, Gal-la - vegetable sellers (hawkers) addressing a young girl to draw her attention
371. tie-tie, gal-la-tie, had-jie - hawkers addressing older women when they appeal for sales.
372. jy kan jou nat pee van lag - you can wet yourself laughing
373. oeg-tie, hat-ta, mem-me - addressing older mothers and grandmothers in the household.
374. Ka-ka, sies, moe-tie-rit in jou mon sit-tie -  speaking to a baby telling him/her that he/she must not place foreign objects in his/her mouth - its dangerous and unhealthy.
375. Snot kop - still a child, but wants to be big
376. five-bob- fifty cents
377. pil-le - boggers in the nose
378. ai-yen-ne - O1 no/ yes as a comment to a statement
379. jy lag eit-ga-laa-te - your laugh is too boisterous
380. ka-does - paper packet
381. Moet ek nou jou gat lek - must I now beg you
382. Jy's 'n bie-tjie ei-ti-maa-te - you are now extending yourself a little too much
383. Jy gie fe jou eit - you are boasting
384. moe-tie fe my kom an-plak-kie - don't try to set me up with a man/woman.
385. moe-tie rie stoele ko wa'rem sit-tie - don't come a court my daughter without having the intention to marry.
386. stee jou mense - tell tel your parents to come and ask my daughter's hand in marriage.
387. waa ko jy raa an? Where do you get that news?
388. Jou bek het al weer oor ga-loep - you told what had to be kept a secret.
389. Hy lyk wa-rem ga-la-loep - he is sexually stimulated
390. no-ta - the dot diacritical mark is Arabic
391. o-lie-koek - say yes to everything, to gain favour
392. jy werk op my g-string - you are irritating me
393. Tik-kie/ toor-ve-rel-tjie (2.5 pennies); fielap ( 4 pennies); tre-pens(three pennies); siks-pens (six pennies)
393. hoor nou fe jou ! I did not expect you to say what you did.
394. li-ket - as if
395. ho-ries - getting very upset
396. Kaat skiet - have a good point against another
397. Bai-broe-kie - bather
398. Yo! Wow!
399. nie op dai da-ra-ja nie - not on that level
400. sy's sie op haa bek ga-val-lie - she airs her views without fear
401. is't al-wee-rai - is it again that..
402. ors wag- fir-ri bis. - waiting for the bus
403. moe-tie gai maa-kie - don't fool around
404. jy stiek al-weer lyf weg - wanting to slip away from doing work
405. hou fe jou in - control yourself
406. a-sal - origin of someone/ something
407. wat is die gek-ke-geid? What is this nonsense
408. sa-fet - towel
409. sut - dead/ complete/ finish
410.wat is't nou weer - what is the matter now?
411. Jy ding sie-ke gel groei op my rig? Do you think money is freely available by me..
412. toe foel hy soe-ma af-ga-haal. Then he felt disappointed/ huniliated
413. ble-rie - bloody
414. he wai met jou - light hearted "get away" when being teased.
415. kryp in jou blerry mai - get lost!
416. ek sal ma agte-eit staan - I shall not project my own way/ position
417. Gat jy ma an - go on - you will get caught, you will pay one day.
418. op-ge-dor-ne - given a beating
419. jy's fol ie-blies -striee-ke - you are teasing/ irritating/ going on
420. ga-sam-ba - bewitched
421. moe-tie fe jou be-moeit nie - don't upset yourself/ concern yourself
422. o-gat - a young boy/girl being sexual
423. vang draad- getting away with
424. moe-tie fe my fe-erg-gie - don't irritate me
425. he^y! gwaan moe jou - hey! go away - light hearted gesture to stop teasing
426. jy soek nou net skoor - looking for trouble/ teasing
427. nie te waf-fe nie - not so good
428.  bang-go-ra - teasee
429.  oetjie moet ko vra om in-nie huis te kom - a formal request of a boyfriend - asking the parents to visit their daughter regularly
430. Jy kannie net die stoele ko warm sit-tie. Ko nou stuur jou mense - you cannot come and visit my daughter indefinitely. Go and ask your parents to formally come and ask my daughter's hand in marriage.
431. hy's-sie worry-saam-mie - He is relaxed. Not a bother at all. quite peaceful
432. my bok - girlfriend
433. gat bok - to visit your girlfriend at her house
434. skinnebek - gossiper
435. hy's in-nie weer met haar - the married man is seeing another woman
436. jy's al weer me-tie weer ga-pla? - you are moody
437. joller - going around with many women/ men (not gays)
438. re-ne-weer - tease someone constantly
439. kas-tei - tease to annoy
440. mas-bie-ke - a dark person (from the word Mosambique)
441. vry-moe-rag - likes giving charity
442. die oens gat fe jou loo - the boys will look at you
443. wat loo jy - what are you looking at
444. fe-dom stout - really very naughty
445. Goet-gief-tag - likes to give
446. Doe-koem - one who can connect with unseen jinn (smokeless fear entities)
447. fri-ke-del - meatball
448. dood-gooi - bread that did not rise in the baking process
449. na-bas-ta - then do without it if you want to be full of nonsense
450. ga-dreis - an effeminate man that is unkept
451. aan-val-lag - sociable
452. op-rik-ke-rag - gets upset quickly
453. joe-ries stoot op - becoming angry/ becoming sexually aroused
454. fa-ta-rag - sexual harrasment
455. hoe-moe-rag - haughty
456. eit-dei-ye - bragging
457. a-gaa-te met knoe-pe - holes with buttons - a comment for someone who asks what's for supper - effectively meaning don't ask/ its not your business, eat what you get.
458. ei-tie-ou-doos - out of old boxes - old-fashion, from long ago
459. does-das - home clothes/ not neat and tidy
460. pri-tel-rag - nagging, commenting on the slightest things.
461. le^-ke-re - nicer/ better
462. So-wa-so-wa - the same
463. Roe-ke - skollie/ thug
464. Ta-mai Ramadaan en jy nik om daai the doen  - It is the holy month (ta-mai) of Ramadaan and you dare (ink) do  that
465. baie ga-nie-da-rag - very humble
466. ga-leer-ren-teit - knowledge
467. op-rik-ka-rig - full of himself
468. moe-tie fe jou uit-dei-ye nie - don't be boastful - pushing out your chest with pride
489. hit jou lekker biet - his got you short
490.moetie krap waa-rit-tie jie-kie - don't go there/ do not speak about issues that will create problems
491. wai - get lost
492. waa ko jy va-naan? - where do you get onto that info?
493. ga-dee-rag - continuously, regularly
494. twie-re pak - second wedding dress of the bride
495. hit be-gee-te om the trou - he would like to get married
496. Friet wat foor kom - eat whatever is in sight - pure gluttony
497.pe-ren-do-sie - curl of hair on the forehead of a woman
498. die gie-na-ge - the person who..
499. hoe faa? - how are you?
500. mal-boet - announcer of Muslim funerals
501. Kie-faait - Muslim funeral
502. deer ma-kan-ne - confused
503. gaa-ba - I am announcing
504. Soem-ba -swear by God
505. soe-bat -beg
506. voor dia - before that
507. soe-wal-lai - by God
508. foe-cheerk jy - get lost/ don't joke you
509. moes-kon - naughty
510. vet holle - big bum
511. oo-yet-te - oh! Dear
512. So-wa So-wa - example
513. guts - glutton/ wanting more and more
514. lai-lai - quick tempered
515. hy kan ge-kom-met - he is good
516. hy's kwai - he is very good.
517. koe-wy - bed
518. maaf - excuse me
519. naat - seam/ "but-crack"
520. gooi al weer klip / baksteen- hint sarcastically or very strong hint
521. gaa-ba - announce
522. doep - dump someone in the pool or seawater
523. bom-styf - shocked
524. bo-mel-la-kie-sie - cartwheels
525. bokkies - tressels
526. blat - the top on the tressels
527. pe^-re maak - to disturb things
528. val met sy/haar gat in-nie botter - marry a rich woman/man
529. ou-we-la! - ouch!
530. bis-staa-kels- all the paraphernalia
531. chommel - talk a lot
532. oo-la-la - expression of wrong that will bring one into trouble.
533. rin-ne-weer - to tease, exploit, put pressure on
534. hy's 'n ou moes-korn - a naughty/ mischievous person/ likes teasing/ likes to flirt with women.
535. lat-wai - get going
536. ke-ring - moan
537. ken-ne-tjie - wooden crafted block to hit around
538. han-dies - 5 stones game
539. fis-skiet - worn
540. kaart skiet - witty comment
541. sout - watch out he/someone is coming
542. kie-rie-slam - send my regards/salaams/peace
543. win-gat - showing off
544. ga-friet - face of someone not liked
545. ga-friet fe-koep - forcing your company amongst the elite/rich
546. bek-fe-koep - wasting time having conversation, when you were suppose to do something
 important
547. twee-ga-friet - two-faced person
548. hy's 'n poep-hol - he is useless
549. ga-fi-lin - glutton
550. hang-gat - wearing a pants that it exposes the but-crack.
551. os gat 'n bie-tjie eit  - we are going on an outing/ shopping, movies, coffee etc.
552. os gat 'n bei-tjie kye - we are going out to visit family/ friends
553. poephol - useless
554 ka-ring-kel-tjies - trimmings/ extra's
555 koe-wein-tjies - cupcakes with currents
556. roes - rude
557. moe-tie bom-mie - don't ask for handouts/ charity
558. ei-ti-han-teit - rude / misbehave
559. sy het nou twie stiks - she has two children
560. hy's nou reg-tag 'n dor-ne - he is now really a teaser/ funny character
561. soe-nat -circumcision
562. Boe-ja - father
563. Gwaan - go away!
564. mal-boet - funeral announcer
565. gaa-ba - announcement
566. pi-chaa-rah - religious thought debate and discussion
567. moet-tie nog Noe-tie-sie niem-mie -don't still take notice
568. gloef - religion
569. soen-toe - that way
570. per-mit-skap - permission
571. Maa-roe - second wife while married to the first
572. mot-ta/ mem-me - mother
573. moes-ta-jap - spiritually gifted
574. pik-kie - child
575. on-ne stoele-le en banke - keep it a secret
576. bang-go-ra jy nou fe my al weer - are you teasing me again?
577. Te-frie-de-skap - acceptance
578. ge-wie-ten-skap - knowledge/ insight
579. Ja-ka-la-po - one who purports to have knowledge/skills but does not have
580. die-nes - policemen
581. as-gar-ries - Meccan Policemen
582. kot-ge-kap - short person
583. trim-teer/ kas-tei - irritate
584. knoei - cover-up flaws/ skimp on material
585. vips - fit and agile
586. bang - call to prayer
587. laa-goe - tune of recital
588. vol fe-belings - show-off
589. sy/hy is ag-te-ma-kaar - organised, meticulous
590. o-nes-te-boo - up-side down
591. kor-re-noo-te - friends you are regularly with which influences your thinking
592. ga-doen-tes - all the things that surrounds an event
593. Jou Moes-korn - you teaser/joker! you really know how to make a person laugh!
594. Rin-ne-weer - work his/her case, gave him/her/you a hard time
595. Char-li - baby blanket
596. Dug-ga - cement
597. Ek wiet nou reg-tag-gie wat om te doe-nie - i really don't know what to do
598/ Is jy nou reg in jou kop? How could you do that?
599. Wil jy nou fe my se^ hy kannit maak? Are you telling me hy can make it?
600. Ek het my sat gelag ? I killed myself with laughter
601. Wanne ko jy weer visit? When are you visiting again
602. Kannala, moe-tie nou fe my se^ jy kan-nit-tie maa-kie? Please don't tell me you can't be there?
603. Moet ek nou fe jou uit-lek ? Must I now beg you?






Successful Parenting

Knol will be discontinued on May 1, 2012. Learn more.

Towards Successful Parenting

786 Children need Parents with Wisdom

The desire o be a parent is stronger in a female than in a male. Males desire serving. These desires combine in marriage and parenting is the balanced, "wisdomed" approach to work towards a successful society. Children yearn for guidance not for rules. It is easier to make rules than to acquire wisdom. Successful Parenting is a process of knowing the self, understanding children, knowing where they come from, what their purpose is in life and being prepared to sacrifice all your resources in a manner to create/start tin them the process of gratefulness to The Creator. If one is not in tune with this then ones parenting will reflect in a disorientated society.


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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Parenting

Introduction

Parenting is easy for the unselfish adults, but difficult for selfish adults who happen to become parents. Successful parenting can only be discussed when a marriage has occurred. Out of wedlock children have parents who were obviously selfish and impatient. This automatically creates problems that are difficult to solve, because there were no decent, acceptable principles of sex between the couple who gave birth to the child out of wedlock . This sounds harsh, but advice for effective parenting must respect some common grounds of universal sex principles. Within a modern/post-modern world, some writers deny spirituality and then claim to have the right to lay down universal communication principles of "correctness", ignoring the vast majority of believers in God and spiritual enlightenment. This was only possible because writers who were financed by some capitalists were influenced to deny God and thus create a better platform for mass financial exploitation. You might say : "What does money have to do with 'Parenting'?". Everything! Sex is the biggest money maker and the base for many cyberspace advancements - for better quality viewing. Parenting is often disturbed by uncontrolled sexual desires of one or both spouses - because of weak spiritual principles. Sex makes money, but destroys the value of the family ethos. Lets get back to ethical and legal parenting.

Purpose of Parenting

Family life is valuable, because it gives safety and security to the growth of new human beings. The main question for parents are "What is the goal of parenting?" This is the core question that will drive the process of parents. The following have been sited for reasons for parenting:
1. continue your progeny
2. experience motherhood(we have not generally heard men saying they want to experience fatherhood! is it that men want sex and has as a result parenting!)
3.Wanting a boy (name to carry on the father's legacy)
The above common reasons for parenting misses a crucial feature - The child! It seems that parents become parents for themselves and not for the child. The lasting reason for parenting is to offer yourself and your resources into a process of rearing an individual that is grateful to the Creator who Created him/her.
Now the materialist may say: "What is this intangible giberish?" It must be borne in mind that the problems of the world stems from the lack of credibility given to the power of spirituality or the unseen factors that drive the functions of life.

It is when parents rear their children to identify the Magnificence of the Creator, that children experience magnificence of their parents. Parenting rests of setting the example. Children must feel the presence of their parents' spirituality for them to respond qualitatively from their inner beauty. In Arabic this is called the Fitrah - The untainted , radiant, godly spirit that hovers within all of us. A parent that does not have the above Lasting Reason for Parenting, will have difficulty pouring out his/her own quality spiritual demeanor - The Fitrah. We are now seriously bridging the reality of parenting that extends beyond this world.

A child is a gift from Allah, The Exalted. We as adults are entrusted with a precious, divine Gift. We should thus find out what The Creator wants from us. If we ignore His Advice, Guidance, Commands, Permissibilities and Prohibitions we are destined to experience discomforts we shall not be able to cope with/ face. To appreciate this point we first have to understand who we really are as adults.

The popular belief in the modern or post-modern world is that man is a free individual. He has personal rights. The freedom and right to believe in God or not - is a fact. What modern man perhaps lose sight of is that choices have results. The belief in God has benefits, while the disbelief in God has sufferings. A child is a divine gift. If we do not treat the gift with divine respect he/she will give us a hellish experience. If we abuse the Gift we will suffer emotionally, physically and spiritually as the years go by. The child must grow older and stronger and will at some time receive the necessary help to destroy you. If you kill your child,the Divine Gift, you will go to Hell, while the child will definitely enter the Blissful World of Spirit which will witness against you on the Day of Judgment-for further punishments. Disbelievers knowingly try to fool themselves that the hereafter does not exist so that they can satisfy their basal desires. The child is our connection with the Divine. We must be careful how we treat them, what we teach them and what we show them. Our choices will either come and haunt us or give us endless joy and respect. Parenting is about developing wisdom.

Developmental Stages of the Child

The child develops from a stage of pure purity and nearness to Allah, The Exalted (Fitrah), towards choice (puberty- Buluug), then towards actualisation of true personality (Gratefulness-Belief/Ungratefulness- Disbelief). The child moves from the world of spirit, through fantasizing, socialisation through exploration, individualisation through puberty and choice towards actualisation through spiritualisation (belief in God) or despiritualistaion (denial of God). The choice of a child is engendered by the parental influence.

Authoritarian parents demands respect and becomes abusive to their children. Authoritative parents, sets good examples, are well informed, highly spiritual, strike a balance between freedom and limitations with well defined explanations. Permissive parents just lets children do what they like, because the parents don't really care - teachers and society can sort out the mess they created. The other parents who create problems for society, are those who spoil their children. Whatever their children want, the parents will give them, even to the extent of making debt. These children grow up appreciating little and extend their "powers" to manipulate others around them. These parents often do not guide their children to have courtesy. I have witnessed this kind of behaviour in the homes of some home we would judge as affluent. These children speak to their parents with disdain and treat visitors as nuisances. This is often the attitute of the parents that are just reflected in the child. What I have also noticed -that this often happens in homes where parents often live more on credit, creating an image of affluence, than the real rich, who often realises that they are dependent of The Creator to grant them riches and not on the bank. Often the real rich, are more respectful to others because they know that disrespect to others ca cause them to lose the Blessings from The Creator. This brings to the real need for quality parenting - spirituality - awareness of the Unseen Who monitors all inputs of every individual. The children of the pseudo-rich often have attitude problems, learnt from parents, who, when in debt, lives a life of stresses and who finds tranquillity in buying "Stuff" and giving their children "stuff" to shut them up - to reduce their building stresses through on built-up debt upon debt - to create an image by trying to impress people - an attitude that gets transported to their chidren. In real terms these are the same people who abuse people on a large scale when they run countries where men usurped power.

Poverty a Challenge for Parenting and the Nation

Poverty/ Richness without spirituality is a challenge, because finding a balance in life without spirituality is very difficult for many. Poverty of spirituality is probably the main feature in bad parenting. You might say, but there are people, who you believe are spiritual, but they are bad, parents, when you see the behaviour of their children. We have found that children from poor families with rude, bad charactered parents are often very difficult to handle at schools, while children from poor families who have ethical, religious parents are often decent. well-behaved and less problematic. There are parents who regard themselves as ethical but not religious and according to their standards, are raising "good" children. The fact that they have not raised their children with the awareness of gratefulness to the Creator, makes their parenting suspect. We are in agreement that some "religious" people are abusive to their children. But we are also sure that external religious dogma does not translate into spirituality. Religion with spirituality translates into mercy, goodness and exemplary behaviour. If behaviour is abusive or disorienting then spirituality has not yet taken root. Their many families who were poor, but whose children are excellent people, due to the spiritual and practical example they had set for their children.

Who are good parents?

Lots of time can be spent on criticizing bad parents, but it is better to spend our time on guiding each other and remind ourselves on what constitutes Good Parenting.

Good Parents...
1. First marry with the spiritual Blessing of belief in One God, before they start a family. This is the basic need for a more wholesome life. Without this acceptance of belief, the couple is basically refusing to acknowledge The One Who has created them, and sustains them every second of the day. This will create future problems. Belief allows the spouse the necessary Guidance to chart a wholesome life, for themselves and their offspring. Problems will arise in all families, but the spiritually motivated, who accept Divine Guidance, will have a common source, outside themselves to respect, and find inspiration from. An Official Spiritual Marriage, brings families, friends and neighbours together, who will tacitly and through social cohesion, help the couple to find their feet more easily in the beginning stages of their marriage. At the wedding ceremony , many people pray and wish the couple well. Their prayers are a protection and help for the future. Cutting off family ties, or ignoring their right to be part of a beautiful marriage, deprives the couple from the extra blessings and prayers / appeals they could have received on their wedding day. Marrying first before starting a family is the intelligent theing to do. The children, from a spiritually blessed marriage, which connected families, friends and neighbours, have a wider circle of social support and example to live from.The more isolated the married couple, the more isolated their children and the less, exemplary social contact. If the family and social contact is of a lower spiritual awarenesss and practice of the couple, then the children have a standard by which to live and compare the external lifestyles with. The extended family and friends is necessary for development of character of children.
2. Read - Informed parents are able to guide their children how to act in different situations. Uninformed parents try to parent when the acts/ situation is on top of them, where everyone tries to survive the situation on the feet - at the spur of the moment - with no prior knowledge, skill or preparation. Uninformed parents often deal with situations with emotions, rather that with reason, skillfulness and wisdom. Children want to be guided by informed parents, nor shouted at by uninformed parents who are frustrated because the don't understand the world around them and also too lazy to get informed - its too much of an effort to make a change. Many prefer to keep on doing the same things the same way instead of making a change to their life by reading or becoming informed. Is is easier to stay stupid and act on emotions, because it gives a release to built up animal anger. You might say but does that mean that people who can't read are doomed to fail as parents! No. The Prophet Mughammad (Pbuh) could not physically read, but his heart was ready to learn from The Higher Power, and the patience to allow his in-built divinely given reason to rule his mind and actions. He advised all people not to get angry and to learn from the cradle to the grave. Reading or learning is our protection from the evils of emotional roller-coasters - the origin of all questionable behaviour.
3. Listen- Listening skills require a sense of patience. Patience is a spiritual quality that is accessible to people who reflect. Reflection is the art of observing carefully what presents itself to you. A chiild is presented to us by the Creator. If we are not aware of this fact, thinking we are the reason for the child's existence, we would miss the value of reflecting on the marvel of the child. A child is in a state of Divine Nearness (Fitrah). The purity of child allows the child to be a vehicle through whom the Creator communicates with us. What a child is is often not from the child, but from the Creator. If we do not listen, we shall miss the message/ guidance from God. Remember that denying the existence of The Creator, does not obliterate the fact that children are from God and a Mercy from Him for us to develop the necessary skills, attitudes, characteristics and that will ensure that we succeed in this world and the next. When we listen to a child we afford ourselves the opportunity to resyspond with understanding and not with emotionality. This will develop insight which opens the door to received wisdom from the Creator, the real tool / skill/ value for successful parents. If you cannot listen carefully, you cannot respond correctly.
4. Always Respond Positively. When are a parent you must always keep your ears open to what your child/children are doing or saying. Never be to busy to be aware of their needs all the time. Be acutely aware of what they say and how they say it. Show a genuine interest in what they say and do. Always encourage them when you notice that they have made good choices and acted positively or correctly - whatever the minute the situation may be. Always shake hands with them when they have achieved what they think is important for them - not only what you think is important for you as a parent. Enter their world in listening without entering their world physically. Know what they talk about, how they think, then you will be able to how to act in various situations -not discipline when the child has already overstepped the boundaries - not having had a clue that it was a boundary. Remember, preempt, and guide, don't react and reprimand. The latter is a sign of ba to workd parenting and one who is not proactive, but reactive. Parenting means to be ahead of your children in some aspects which they will value your advice and guidance, because you have proven yourself in a field they can recognise you as a perfect example. Listening to them and the problems other parents face, gives you the edge in being creative about your parenting style. Don't be afraid to do the right thing, which at times are contrary to the norm. Remember some parents comment in parent conversations in agreement with parents who have warped ideas that have been in communities for centuries. Challenge it. Don't be scared to lose a stupid friend. A more qualitative friend will come along and replace him/her. Don't listen to abusive talk of parents who bully their children emotionally,financially, physically or otherwise and in conversation try to get support for their stupidity. Check them. Listening critically allows you to think creatively and respond positively.
5. are Creative: Parents who just go to work, come home, clean, eat, watch tv, read newspaper and go to sleep, can hardly expect much from their children. They basically give their children a message of life in a family is a chore. We are sure all people go to movies, beach, the shop - but if this is all, where is the parent's personal creativity? Read a new book? Created a garden? Interior decorated with old things? recycled old furniture/ clothing? Creating an art-piece? Dad cooked a new recipe? Mom wrote a book for children? Dad and mom is making a documentary with their cellphone, traveling through unknown areas/places in the immediate areas of the home/school/shopping mall? Well what true is that creativity does not need money,but it does stimulate children of creative parents to explore and create more readily than children from humdrum parents, who often, due to a lack of creativity, becomes creative with gossip, criticism and argumentation about sporting personalities, or moan about their spouse or their children.Creative parents motivate their children by example. These parents do not have time for gossip, arguments and spending time on the achievements of sporting personalities etc. Creative parents are rolemodels for their children and have no fear that their children will take shady characters as role models.

The Challenge

The most disturbing factor of all parenting courses and information is that it is often the converted who access the information on effective parenting. The real culprits in destructive parenting, have no real interest in improving themselves as parents. They just do not want to improve themselves. They find a sick enjoyment in being destructive and sending their messed-up children into society to mend these unfortunate souls, mess up society even more. This calls upon the concerned parents to tackle these destructive parents head on. The continuance of destructive parental practice can only happen if the good parents do not work hard to make destructive parenting unpopular. No social conversation should allow bully parents a chance to air the destructive "advice" or comments, when in a social gathering - challenge them, make them feel uncomfortable and create and atmosphere where they will be socially presurised to mend their ways. It is often that a bad parent/s exist within one family, but the good family and friends are too scared to exercise pressure for improved parenting. The big challenge is what methodologies are available for transforming bad parents?

Change Agents for improved parenting
Professionals such and teachers, principals, doctors and business bosses who have some hold on dysfunctional parents and these parents friends, must make every effort to transform the bad parent. What methods can we employ:
1. Address the strengths and talents of the parents
2. Relate to ways how they have been able to express their talents to their children, this will allow them to discover that they have only shown their ugly selves to their children - thus depriving their children from knowing their beautiful self.
3. Relate to them that the memory of children of their parents often gets transported into their own families - if its negative or positive - ask them what would they like for their children
4. Ask them what makes them angry and how they deal with it - ask them if they feel at peace with themselves how they gave expression to their anger - remind them that any feeling of disappointment in the self is the way the soul punishes itself - but that that disappointment is the encouragement for change of the inner-self, and not sentence.
5. Let them know that if they do not feel regrets for what they have been doing, then they are in a dangerous position which if they do not check themselves, that they will land up in jail, asylum, hospital and if not anywhere else negative in their lifetime - hell in the after life, which in introduced by a horrible, unseen death.
6. Make it known to them that no-on gets away with being a bad parent. Bad parents are also caused to suffer ill-treatment of them in old-age by their children or grandchildren. Bad parents often find themselves crying a lot in their old-age, as they have caused their children to cry, or feel hurt.
7. Remind them what they sow they must reap - that is the rule of life and no-one escapes it.

What happens when their are differences?


All parties in the family must be able to understand the differences in the family before progress can be made. In each family there are negotiators, fighters, researches, helper, guides and motivators. This can be identified during the family life's careful observations of each individual in the family dynamics.
Posted by Mogamat Faadiel Arnold at 5:59 AM

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